reviews

It's review time at work. I review myself, I review others, others review me, then Marie is the lucky one to have to put all these pieces together. She was smart to forestall a lot of self-consicous and time-consuming prose by reminding people that she works with us all every day. I know my weaknesses more than my strenghts, or rather I know both perhaps equally but don't know is how much one undermines or counterbalances the other in other people's experience, and that makes me feel the weakness more. Everything's a matter of perspective. E.g., I'm smart, hard-working, and engaged, but are my brains properly applied (ick) or am I challenging them where they need to be? Does my sweat move mountains or just create road blocks for other people? Is my engagement a real enthusiasm for projects and people or just need to draw attention to myself? Truth is though all this is off the point, since whatever I'm good or bad at the fact is that I'm doing a job I don't love, I wasn't trained for, and that leaves me feeling baffled and unsatisfied a large part of the time. So it's hardly likely that any 'engagement' I have could at best be mroe than abstract curiosity combined with collegial sympathy combined with a certain neutral work ethic. The more interesting question is whether the same flaws of character would stick to me in a job that *did* fit my interests and background. I think in some ways they might - where was I more narcisistic, confused and misdirected than when I was an academic? I can only hope that the distance I gotten from myself and what I've learned about 'working well with others' in the techie world will stick with me as I move, partly or totally, back into activities that are mroe academically oriented -- and that the intellectual and teacherly parts of me that do deserve the light of day have a chance to get more play.

Still worried about what to tell D. about his novel ms. It occurs to me now I could tell him there are really *3* books fighting to get out her: the eccentric children's story, pictures included; what could be made into a taught if slightly offbeat but essentially realistic political thriller; and the grand, overdressed satire of power politics. This is partly true, partly flattery, partly a clever evasion. Of course many genuinely great books can be seen as many books in one, and that's a genuine part of their greatness, but in this case it's more a case of conflicting, muddled impulses and sheer bad editing. The amazing thing is that D. has had the energy to diligently and with apparently more than a little care crank out 3 of these manuscripts, amounting to thousands of pages int he final versions and who knows how many more in the drafting process. Also scores of oddly concocted characters, patchworks of stereotypes and quasi-caricature and with punning names as lame as their dialogue and yet with enough energy and resourcefulnes to keep puffing through 3, 5, 800 pages. It must be a kind of drug for him, or a catharsis or both; I imagine him coming back late from a long day of lawyering, keeping S. and dinner waiting, bolting it down, playfully roughing up the dog, then retiring tothe office/bedroom to pour his frustrations and displaced energies into another chapter before day's end. I guess this is also the time S. paints, if she's busy during the day teaching and running errands. And perhsp there's a bond between them after all in this strange parallel creative road race. I'll ask her one day, in fact I'll ask him when we talk: working methods may not always be the best guide to the creative process, but in this case it'll be revealing, since I 'm worried less about the writing itself (what's to worry about after all?) than about what it measn to him. Probably a lot, so I need to take some care and forethought with my critique. What if I tell him that if he can whittle 500 pages down to 50 or even 150 he'd have the start of a potentially fun 'young adult' novel? and that i'd not only be willing to edit but illustrate it? Or co write a chapter too... But after all that's nto really what he's interested in, I suspect, and the suggestiion will only serve to undermine the illusions that keep him going. Hey I know what those are like -- it's on another lovel what keeps me blogging. Another question is who's read this or the other books? I'm pretty sure Lisa has -- and I wonder what she's had to say about it. it's hard to imagine her thinking much of the prose or the storyline; on the other hand -- a daughter's love aside -- in all her wit and intelligence she's so generous, curious and open-minded that I'm sure she's found a way to be encouraging and perhaps seen a real ray of light in it all, whihc I'm blind to.